Violent Son!

My son doesn't care either My son just doesn't care either. He cannot be motivated to care. He won't get up, he refuses to try anything to help himself sleep, he seeks drugs and alcohol and screams at me that I'm "useless" b/c I can't obtain Xanax or Ambien for him. He has failed college, lost his job. He isn't depressed; he supposedly has OCD but will do nothing to help himself or let himself be helped. I have had multiple fingers broken by him squeezing my hands when he gets into a fit when I try to enforce any rules, and many black eyes, yet drs say it's okay.. He mainly complains that I'm not rich and that he deserved a rich mom and a Corvette. How can a mom throw out an obviously crazy person? He is anorexic and we can't get any help for him out in the sticks of Texas where the only medical adivce has been to "pray" and "ask the Lord to heal you." I hate this life and nothing I have tried helped my son. He won't get up to go to the only shrink w/in 200 miles. He just plays computer games. I wish I were dead

Posted By Sad and a Loser

Dear Sad,

I have been thinking about you a lot. Your situation is very upsetting to me. I hear everything you are saying. Your efforts to help your son are correct in every way, yet those who should be supporting you and giving you direction and help have failed you. What can I say to a woman who has been told by her doctor that being punched in the face by her son is normal? Or that the best medical advice is to pray?

You are right in everything you have said, especially in that you are not getting the help you need and deserve and that you cannot throw an obviously “crazy person” out of your house.

You are wrong in just one thing: You have given up on yourself.

You have let others define your world and box you into a corner. There is a lot of life, good life, for you yet!

I must make sure that you are aware that I am not psychiatry professional and as such I am offering you suggestions only and telling you that you must find a professional to guide you and help you with your son. Any person who gave you advice to date,(as in your letter) should not be considered for the job.

What you need is a residential treatment program that gradually moves its clients into an assisted living facility to give them constant support. I also suggest checking with legitimate - preferably government run - associations involved with the care of those who suffer from anorexia. Do not give them any money, speak to your chosen health care provider. Move, even temporarily, if that’s what it takes to get your son the care he needs. For your son’s sake he must never live with you again as this is most likely to cause him to regress. If you must part from your son’s life so that he can grow and get the help he needs, then that is what you must do, as long as he is in a safe setting. Some children cannot grow at home, they fall into bad habits and cannot see the connection between their own actions and their situation.

Keep talking to your friends and those who support you and give you strength to carry on. You are like me, like every mother I know; your heart is wrapped around your child, what hurts him, hurts you. You are not helping him by accepting the abuse he is doing to you, even though it will be far harder to push him away and into the hopefully safe haven made by others. Prayer has its place, as we know that God helps those who help themselves. Keep praying, be pro-active, there are people out there who can and will help you. – You are in my thoughts and prayers -Bracha